Sour cherry tort

A friend of mine, who looked like a vicious caricature from Duck Dynasty, used to answer people who asked why a tough guy like him chose such an unmanly hobby (this was during the pre-enlightenment era), that "it helps me forget the people I've killed.” 

Driving upstate, he once witnessed a car spin out of control, roll over and catch fire. The driver was immobilized and semi-conscious, and there were no passengers or anybody else around. My friend instinctively sprang into action, pulled the guy free from the wreckage, saved him from incineration, but broke the guy’s leg.

For that he was sued. Something similar happened to my father-in-law who saved a showboating swimmer from drowning.

We all know that the "slip and fall" industry thrives even during a failing economy. It is immune to market pressures. It is an almost uniquely American opportunity for lucrative entrepreneurship. 

Serial scammers can make a living from payouts for staged injuries and nuisance litigation. Government agencies routinely settle such suits out of court to make the cases go away, because it would cost much more to contest them. It's a routine, though extravagant expense ultimately for taxpayers, as always.

A rookie middle school teacher years ago cried to me that she was being sued for $10 million by the parents of a student who had been uninjured after a minor altercation with a classmate in the room behind the teacher's back while the instructor was complying with the principal's directive to monitor the passage of students in the crowded hallways during change of subject classes.

The teacher lost a lot of sleep, but her personal bank account was intact, even as the city awarded the child's parents enough to buy a timeshare in Aruba and a ticket to the Space Station. Just extrapolate the citywide toll from this chronic avalanche of frivolous and malicious lawsuits.

Why does our system encourage them? Why do the courts countenance them? Plaintiffs should be forced to pay defendants' court costs, as in some European countries. But there must be provisos and caveats.

The wealthy will never have to fear engagement in litigation. The poor and middle class, not knowing what the outcome will be, regardless of the merits of the case, will prudently see even the protection of their own rights as a high-risk endeavor. 

There is a flip side to curbing plaintiff's incentives to file even dubious suits. We must all have access to the court system, regardless of our means to absorb its costs. We mustn't rein in avenues to justice.

Court costs should be on a sliding scale. Corporations should be assessed in relation to their tangible assets. 

Justice that is not symmetrical is just an impersonator. Increasingly, its scales resist calibration. Especially where there is an overlap between tort laws and divorce laws. In New York State, there is extreme gender bias embedded in contested divorces.

Price controls and anti-gouging legislation is being proposed as a national policy. Would it be fair to impose ceilings on medical malpractice settlements? It wouldn't cost incompetent surgeons an arm and a leg, even if their negligence cost their patients an arm and a leg. Their portfolios won't be amputated.

It seems that in the "tort" litigation game, settlements are either preposterously too high or ludicrously too low. What will the unbearable market bear?  

Insurance companies, and the arguably murky role of some of the doctors who loyally work for them, have a lot to answer for.  As do some physical therapy mills that seem to work in tandem, especially in the aftermath of car accidents, even the fender-benders, often with the phantom trauma and the ubiquitous Sir Walter Raleigh-like neck braces.

Tort reform is a political football. 

In the area of defamation by libel or slander, great care must be taken to maintain a balance that protects both free speech and reputations. Perhaps it's a good thing that public figures can be maligned with impunity. In the UK, investigative reporters risk tearing their rotator cuffs from looking over their shoulders all the time.

Can it be that the foundational idea of tort law is sound, but the edifice built on it has become structurally compromised? Both parties have an interest in improving our system of dealing with civil wrongs. I am confident that they will succeed. 

But don't take my confidence too seriously. I'm also confident that it is possible to locate the cremated remains of a person whose ashes were scattered over three oceans a hundred years ago and restore them into a trumpet virtuoso. 

But there is one area in which I have no confidence at all: that congestion pricing has been indefinitely suspended across the board, as it should have been. Reportedly, Governor Kathy Hochul is considering a revival of the plot with a divide-and-conquer strategy to weaken opposition. It would involve exempting some city workers for reasons that apply equally to some private sector workers who would remain on the hook.

Everyone should be exempted. Levying customs-like duties is like treating borough borders as though they were boundaries between sovereign nations. We must be indivisible, not balkanized by any bar.

It's all about nickel-and-diming. This is particularly galling when it involves matters with a strong moral impetus, such as treating the sick.

According to recent reports, NYC public hospital doctors have been instructed to slash by 50 percent the time they allocate to patients for primary care. By this formula, any extra time it may take to deduct a patient's pulse will presumably be deducted from their next visit, if they survive. 

Stopwatches are already on consignment. These truncated consultations will incentivize feverish, hacking away and hyperventilating patients to be organized and more efficiently describe their symptoms.

According to Dr. Ted Long, NYC Health + Hospitals' senior vice president of ambulatory care and population health ( perhaps his title should be cut by half also), the rushed attention to patients will lessen wait times, which for adults has doubled over the last year.

The Doctors Council SEIU suggests hiring more physicians, so that patients can have the full measure of a doctor's attention without putting other people in suspended animation in the waiting room. Many sins have been committed in the name of cost-saving.

Labor Day just passed. The parade's over and the marchers have gone home. Back to the grind. But for unionists and all New Yorkers, the unsilenced drumbeat of its message must be obeyed year-round.